Memories Past

you know those things you think will never happen to you, i thought i didnt have one
i always see myself in the worst situations and stuff and always expect the worst
well i recently found out something i thought would never happen to me actually happened to me a long time ago, but i couldn't remember it, infact its still happening now and thats kind of why i cant remember it... though its not the thing i cant remember its the not remembering it.
when i was around 5/6 i remember being bullied by a guy (called Kurt for the sake of his identity), i also remember telling my mum that he bullied me and his mum having a go at my mum because the head teacher twisted what happened...
well to get more to the point, i have selective forgotten memories, thats something i never thought would happen to me.
no matter how much my mum tells me about this thing i dont remember it, i have a recollection that has parts missing.
like i remember crying and telling my mum that kurt was bullying me but i dont remember telling her how.
i also remember kurt and paul (another fake name) bullying me together because i liked their friend jonny (fake name again) but i dont remember what kurt did to make me tell.
i also dont know why i cried when i told my mum but when we were talking about bullying she brought it up and said about what kurt did to me
kurt never physically hurt me but apparently he threatened to sneak into my house at night and kill me and this caused me to constantly want to sleep in the same room as my parents.
it was kind of weird listening to it because i could only remember small parts of it and other bits that seem quite scary for anyone to hear like how she told me that i had told her kurt has said things like he was going to slit my throut and all that. i cant even begin to imagine how a five year old would feel when told this then when i realised it happened to me i was like but i would remember if that happened, then my mum said how she can remember it clearly like it was yesterday because of how scared i was.
i never believed peoples brains could block memories out like that.
heck i dont even know if thats what happened to me
but forgetting something because you subconciously dont want to remember it because of the trauma it caused you. something i thought would never happen to me or anyone i knew... well maybe i was wrong...

Ive been going out with this guy for like a month now and he is getting on my nerves
first up he is clingy as hell... if i dont reply to an email or text within like 10 seconds its like 5 million texts in the next 5 seconds ALL from HIM!!!
im sick of apologizing because my internet failed or because my phone was dead!
E V E R Y single time i cant talk to him its like
you hate me
what have i done to deserve this
if you dont want this relationship anymore just say
if you dont reply in the next 10 minutes we are through
i mean OMG get a life, he so obviously doesn't wanna go out with me and is probably waiting for me to be the bad guy and break up with him!
he is no.1 CLINGY!!!! obsessed and OBVIOUSLY LONELY... i mean he knows ive lost my phone and so what... i couldnt get on facebook yesterday and he was like 'Fine if you want to ignore me we need to have a serious talk about our relationship'
more like... wake up and talk to your tharapist jimmy (name is one made up for filling in blanks) someone isnt on facebook, call the police they have a life outside the computer in their bedroom, because according to jimmy's world his girlfriend needs to be online all the time to talk to him when they cant be together and according to jimmy his girlfriend must be there waiting for him online so he can whine and moan at her but the second she whines or moans its like 'all we ever talk about is your problems or excuses or your ignoring me'
what happened to the sweet guy who laughed and was understanding!?
'Jimmy' died and was reborn as 'UGGHHH Jimmy'.....
kat